I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
