just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Randomize
