i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
