is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
