My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
