dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
