he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
