She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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