hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
