I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
