i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize