i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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