Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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