Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
