Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
