That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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