I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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