Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
