The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
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