I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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