Can i not drive my cunt home
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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