a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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