dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
