My entire life is one complicated drinking game
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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