also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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