I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
