I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
