Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
