Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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