oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
