He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize