Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
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Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Terrible idea I love it
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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