i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
