If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
