I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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