you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
