They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
You ever have a fart follow you around?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
