Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
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