You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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