PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Randomize
