You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
