If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
