FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
