he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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