I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
