Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
