You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
