If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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