pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
