i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
