you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Randomize
