Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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