I CAN MOONWALK!
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
