That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Randomize
