I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Randomize
