not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
