I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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