i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
