That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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