apparently the secret to your success is patron
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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