My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
