Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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