I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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