I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
