I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
