I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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