It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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