Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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