I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
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