It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
