C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
