I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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